My happy afternoon at the Oakland Zoo. I was like a little girl, and as I was with my favorite man in the world, it was a heavenly day. We stayed until they were closing down the zoo for the day. These are some of the outdoor animals we especially enjoyed.

Many of our favorites were indoors, and I didn't photograph them for fear of the flash bothering them. I loved the red-tailed boa constrictor, large tortoises whose name I am forgetting now, alligator who was so still as to be confused with a statue, river otters, brightly colored poisonous frogs (mating!), walking sticks and praying mantis, diving beetles, and these beautiful giraffes and elephants. One giraffe delighted in running. She completely captivated us. We also saw some of the courtship/bonding ritual of the male and female adult giraffe. Wow! is all I can say.

Very few people were at the zoo, and those who were seemed completely happy, just like us. A day that should never end, and one of my last vacation days before school begins again.

Happy.

What Are You Doing the Rest of Your Life?

What are you doing the rest of your life?
North and south and east and west of your life?
I have only one request of your life
That you spend it all with me.
All the seasons and the times of your days.
All the nickels and the dimes of your days.
Let the reasons and the rhymes of your days
All begin and end with me.
I want to see your face,
In every kind of light,
In fields of gold and
Forests of the night;
And when you stand before
The candles on a cake,
Oh let me be the one to hear
The silent wish you make.

Those tomorrows waiting deep in your eyes
In the world of love you keep in your eyes,
Ill awaken whats asleep in your eyes,
It may take a kiss or two...
Through all of my life...
Summer, winter, spring and fall of my life,
All I ever will recall of my life
Is all of my life with you.

E's grave is at the Babyland section of this cemetery. Here is the tree where parents always hang wind chimes and other special decorations. I brought a little wolf pup and silk tulips to his spot today. Even in the new snow, I walked right up to the correct place and simply brushed away the snow...I must have walked up that hill more than 100 times in the past ten years.

Can you read the sign in the tree? Angels Gather Here.

Remembering my sweet little E, who died ten years ago on January 19.

More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.

I'm taking a teddy bear and balloon to his spot at the cemetery this noon. Mostly I feel proud to be his mom. He was only here on earth for 138 days but he did reach people and he made a difference in people's lives. One of the neonatologists told me that Ethan changed him forever, and I believe that.

Love is powerful. I'm not just feeling "strong," but calm today. That has to be about love more than anything; otherwise I'd be cowed down by grief and unable to have my own life. I no longer have to define myself as a bereaved mother, but I will never stop missing and loving Ethan George.

He was cute, funny, stubborn, engaging, charming, sweet, and adorable, and he had his own tastes and preferences and showed them. He was born with blue eyes which turned brown overnight in the hospital when he was three months old, and his hair was very blond. He said one word, "Wow!", clear as day. He loved music and he hated clothes with buttons, zippers, or anything up around his neck. He had very specific favorite ways to be held and comforted, and on his next-to-the-last day, he insisted that I keep my finger on his chin, just so.

He made friends with everyone who came across his path at the hospital, and at his funeral all of his nurses and doctors came to be with us, as well as many friends and family, and we played music and told stories and cried and somehow made our way through what was really an experience you'd never imagine happening to you.

I remember it all vividly, but it doesn't haunt me. I am just calm today. I just feel the love.

Opening presents, just the three of us on Christmas Day.

My aspiring filmmaker son received several films on DVD: Woody Allen's "Sleeper" and "Annie Hall," Hitchcock's "North by Northwest", Polly received dog treats and a dino meant to be a people toy, and I received a great cookbook about Fish.

A simple, cozy day.