Today I heard the news that the teenage son of friends of ours killed himself. The news felt like a knife going in. It literally takes your breath away.
January is always a hard month for me, because this is the month when our son Ethan died. He was just a little baby, and he wanted so much to live. He died peacefully on January 19, 1997. Now, the harsh news that our friend's son did not want to live, made that decision, and is gone: it's just a huge hurt. I feel it physically in my heart.
I am going to reach out to his family and especially to his mom, who has always been very generous and kind with me. I am going to offer to play piano for whatever gathering they might have in his memory, and aside from that I'm going to offer to just be with her, if she wants company.
It's a very busy month in grad. school for me, with eight hours of class a week and lots of reading and assignments, so I might not blog as much as usual for a while, trying to balance all of that work with my personal life, which could be extra demanding for a while.
Please keep an open heart and a watchful eye for the teenagers in your life. Suicide is so prevalent, and especially in teenage boys, and it's just such a horrible thing. I don't know that we ever "understand" why someone takes their life.
posted by Bri @ 12:23 PM
8 comments
8 Comments:
Oh my God, Brina, I came by to say thanks for your kind comments on my blog, and my heart just sank reading your post. How sad for the boy, and for his family. We had a staff member's whose youngest child killed herself a mere month before graduating from college, with no warning, reason, etc...It broke her parents' heart, and I am sure you can never recover from that kind of hurt.
I'm so sorry.
Anne-Marie
Dear Anne-Marie, It's a horrible loss. And I have to admit that I am both equipped to help and very traumatized by the fact that this has happened in January. I was already starting to feel the Ethan grief hard again, as I do every year at this time.
However, I am going to pull myself together and be there for my friends.
Thanks for writing.
Love, Brina
Hi Brina,
Tragic news.
It wasn't that long ago that I was a teenager, and I remember how extreme the emotions were (multiplied by the changes that we go through then). Its such a difficult time for people.
But that said, it isn't ofcourse unique to teenagers. I lost my greatest ally a couple of years ago when he committed suicide, he was 56...but he had already lived many lifetimes and experienced many extremes. Its so sad that your friend's lad will never had the chance to fulfill his own.
Best wishes, and thoughts to you and your people at this time.
Tom.
Oh, what a horrible thing to happen! I'm so sorry to read that this morning.
When I was a teenager, I had a very good friend committ suicide. He was the top student in our school, 90%+ average, one of the most talented school band members, full of promise and hope of a wonderful life ahead. We never understood why he did it, just 2 months before graduation, and I think of him often to this day.
My heart goes out to you and the boy's mother. There are never easy answers in this kind of situation.
Love, Mary Beth
Thanks, AM, Tom, and MB,
I'm going over to see her later this morning, per her request. On the phone last night, she told me that it looks like it was that accidental self-asphyxiation thing that teenagers do, thus an accident and not suicide, but that they aren't sure yet.
If that's the case, it's not accurate to call it suicide, and it changes something in the grief, too. However, he's gone, and that's the hard reality.
I'm glad I wrote a bit about it here. It helps.
Hugs,
Brina
Hope that turns out to be true, because although no less tragic, at least then his family would know that he wasn't in any deep depression at the time.
Tom.
Dear Tom, Yes, it does seem that way.
I'm playing Bill Evans' beautiful piano solo, "Peace Piece," at the service tomorrow.
Very honored that they accepted my offer, and it seems the perfect way for me to help them.
Dreadful news. It is so tragic and infinately sad. I am so very sorry I can not even say.......
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